To the editor:
A silent offender walks the streets of Piermont. His (or her) calling card is a plump plastic-wrapped package of poop left by the property of innocent residents. The poop is assumed to be dog poop, however, this can only be verified by testing.
Like most offenders, this craven individual strikes when no one else is around. So with no witnesses, it is impossible to determine the person's identity or motives for doing this. Based on the evidence—multiple incidents of poop left by the same residence—it appears to be the work of a neighborhood bully rather than that of a wanton litterer.
He (or she) must be stopped!
Piermont residents are welcome to come to Bay Street and to look at the evidence for themselves. The latest deposit lies exactly where the poopetrator left it. The crime scene is cordoned off to facilitate locating the dirty deposit.
In order to help track down this vicious individual, I am offering a reward—a $10 gift certificate to the Flywheel Creamery—for the first photo that catches the poopetrator "in the act" and that allows the police to determine his (or her) identity. Sleuths of all ages are encouraged to participate.
Let's rid Piermont of the Poopetrator before he (or she) strikes again. After all... YOU could be the next victim!
Readers are welcome to share their comments on this matter at www.stopthepoopnow.blogspot.com.
—Anne Putko, Piermont