Ghost of Independence Days Past

It was my daughter Nicole that asked me to blog this week on our family and Independece Day. Kids are really smart, you know, and somehow blogging about it seems like a healing thing to do.

July 4 was always a huge deal at our house, the biggest holiday party of the year. We were sort of known for our July 4 bash—Nash Bash, they'd joke. Everything red, white and blue, of course. The pool, the DJ, my husband Joe's BBQ ribs and the fireworks. The neighborhood in which we lived was like firework central, with all the neighbors trying their hand at pyrotechnics.

So as we did each year, in 2006 we planned, shopped and prepared our patriotic revelry. Being an organized pair, my husband and I always had some free time to relax before the party.

This particular year the hubby and my youngest son decided  to get in a one-night camping trip and be home in time for the party. I knew as they left that evening I would never ever see my hubby that way again. At 4:30 a.m. the phone rang—and one doesn't need to be psychic to know a phone call at that hour is never a good thing. To make a long story short, my husband suffered a devastating double stroke.

It was a roller-coaster ride not knowing if he would come out of his coma or survive the blood clots in his lungs. After many months between Nyack Hospital and Helen Hayes Hospital, he returned home partially paralyzed and suffering from dementia. One would think that the end of the story, but for my family it was simply a new chapter of how difficult can be, esp. on a care giver.

The stroke wiped out his speech and much of his memory. He didn't look the same, and still today I have to at times remind myself who he was. The days I wasn't drowning in taking care of him, the house and my business were spent drowning in self-pity. Dealing with insurance issues, doctors, nurses and aides (or lack of) was at times overwhelming. You know how they say friends will run when a spouse passes away? That's true. I was a "Glass Widow," one friend commented—not really a widow but a wife without a husband.

Thank Goddess for us, only a few ran—and my friends have been a constant source of love strength and support. Cookie the Diva, Kathy (my besties) and so many others always there 24/7 lifting us and loving us. That year began my own personal Independence Day! I have managed to do things I never thought I could do to keep my family safe happy and functioning. Somehow we get what we need to survive.

My husband now attends the Adult Day Program, where his many special needs are met as we get some time to recharge. I'd like to send out a heart felt "Thank You" to Jill and her staff at the program. Is life easy? Heck no, but there are many people that have things worse. Everyone has struggles and challenges and we have only two choices: let them consume and cripple us or face them and look for the lesson and miracle in each day. Monday, as my kids and I celebrated a much scaled down July 4, we spoke and joked about all the wonderful years of fun, and how important it is to make joyful memories each day, for that is the glue that holds happy in our hearts.

Until next time, remember... magic happens!