BLOG: The Long Road Back

In life we sometimes have to face the unexpected death of a sibling or a nephew or neice. Losing my sister and nephew last year is the biggest tragedy I have ever faced.

Some of you may know or heard of my sister and nephew passing away last year. My sister’s death from breast cancer at the age of 52 was still surprising and a shock as I thought she had made a full recovery. Nine months after my sister’s death, her son/my nephew’s suicide or overdose on Christmas was really a big shock. It was the most devastating news I have ever gotten. He had just turned 20 years old and had such great future ahead of him. I don’t think at this point in my life I ever thought that most of my family would be in Heaven so soon.

So as I struggle with all of the unanswered questions there are many things that happened. The spring of 2011 I started to have a really bad feeling about my nephew and this started to grow into the summer and the fall. I spent a lot of time reaching out to him but it became more and more difficult. I tried repeatedly to enlist other friends and neighbors and even family members. But for some reason my concerns were not taken as urgent enough or people did not realize how this situation was getting worse. Or maybe they thought I was over reacting. I just never thought my bad feelings about my nephew would manifest into him dying.

Now many days as I walk down the street, I think of what has happened and it all feels so surreal. I want answers but can never really get them. I have painful days of loss and sadness and I pray to my deceased family members and ask them for guidance.

Sometimes I like to imagine that my family members are still alive and that they are sitting with me enjoying life again. They are with me at The Comedy Store or at the grocery store or even seeing a movie with me. I imagine that they are really enjoying us all being together and doing something fun again.

I have also encountered several things I did not expect with the death of my sister and my nephew. That certain friends have stepped back or away from me. Are my family’s recent deaths the part that creeps them out about my really bad news? No one likes to think about death. It is a real drag because it’s well…bad news. The only time I had experienced this before is when I had cancer at the age of 23 and friends would not visit me at the hospital.

When I heard the news of my nephew’s death. I wanted to go away and hide, but I couldn’t. I had and have too many obligations so I just went forward robotically. It’s been tough because as much as I wanted to hide I knew I had to go on.

Each day has different degrees of sadness and depression for me. I feel some of the clouds lifting but then some nights as I lay awake I try to figure it all out. I wonder what went wrong so fast and if I had more support and help could I have saved my nephew.

Suicide is always looked upon as shameful or bad. I don’t think of it that way. I sometimes try to imagine the days leading up to my nephew’s death. Wondering just how much pain and sadness he must have been in. He must have really felt alone and how he lost his whole world when his Mom died. My nephew acted like everything was okay but unfortunately he really wasn’t okay. I have to remember all of the good times when he was here and accept the loss of him at such a young age.


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Chloe Ross September 09, 2012 at 01:23 AM
Thank you. She does drop in from time to time. My grandmother was a great believer in afterlife communication - who is to say she was wrong. My experiences have been personal but convince me it is possible.
joninla September 10, 2012 at 08:36 PM
I often remind people that loss of loved one during our own individual lives is a truly just about the worst human emotional experience there is. But .... It is 'supposed to hurt'. Too often we fall into the comfort and belief that life is about all happy fun times with as few difficult experiences or emotions as possible. Life was never meant to be fun and easy. The contrary in fact is what life is. A struggle to survive, strive to improve and in exchange reaping the reward of having that wonderful experience that you get briefly with another person who is a significant part of your life. Unfortunately, the greater your personal relationships are with others, the worse the pain when lost. But focusing on having had such a close relationship and realizing how fortunate you were to have had a mutually caring human connection, as not everyone is as fortunate to have the kind of relationships which yours seem to be, can help ease the burden. Don't believe the well wisher 'the pain of loss will eventually go away.' The loss will never go away, but dealing with the loss will become easier and easier to live with as time passes. Just don't rush it or think someday you won't feel the loss any more. You always will, but living with it on a daily basis will get better for you in time.
Molly April 18, 2013 at 05:26 AM
David... I have also had a life changing reading with Tim Braun but I didn't go to him, he came to me. I work within the building that he does his readings and although I was startled at first when he told me about a young man wanting to connect with me, I decided to go anyways. Long story short I was blown away with the things that he knew and of the things my little brother was communicating through Tim. It was very clear my brothers presence was there . And when the session was over.. He charged me NOTHING. So go figure that one out on your scam scale.
Molly April 18, 2013 at 05:36 AM
On a different note, my father who took his own life never came through in the reading. I had hoped so but he didn't. Just my brother and grandfather. But it was unmistakeable that it was those two present by the very deep and compellingly private information that was given. I was actually somewhat in fear with this realization.
Ken Arnswald December 20, 2013 at 03:22 PM
Tim Braun and every 'psychic' is bullshit.Before ANYONE goes to see a 'psychic' and fall victim to this crap, they need to find understand the following terms: Cold reading, warm reading, hot reading, time shifting, shotgunning, barnum techniques, letting the sitter do the work, blame. Only after understanding these terms will you be able to protect yourself from further hurt, regret, fraud, wasted money, embarrassment, etc. These techniques allow the 'psychic' to build the con and make the sitter believe a 'psychic' knows something about them. I have met Tim Braun. he is a liar and utilizes the aforementioned techniques. He is a con man that sent unwanted gay porn to a friend of mine. This is not something a 'nice' guy does. So before you enter into a trap, understand the terms I mentioned and then you can more honestly assess his or any 'psychic' ability. Again, I saw him at the Pala casino, his bs 'techniques' were all used. It it laughable when to view his 'readings' when the techniques are understood. My sympathy goes out to anyone with a lost loved one. Don't allow yourself to be a victim.


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